Trying

Editor's note: This was originally sent out in the newsletter on 10/26/17

I like to believe most people would tell you I am a fairly positive person, that I don’t let things get to me and that I am level headed under pressure. I think this may be even taken to further extremes sometimes and people think I don’t have many emotions at all. I can understand why it would seem this way, but I would also tell you it is a choice I make and that sometimes it is much harder to do than it would seem.

Some days I feel that sinking feeling of sadness or that heavy weight of uncertainty about life. Sometimes it starts to take over. It is easier sometimes to just let it be there and wallow in it than it is to fight back and push to find the happy. While I have moments where I let it take over, I do mostly try and push back. I am trying to be positive and calm. I want to be that person.

One big idea that permeates in stoicism is that you need to realize what you have control over and what you don’t. You don’t have control over many things, but the biggest thing you control is how you react to the things you don’t control. You have the ability to decide what emotions are coming out when something happens. This is probably the single biggest idea that draws me to stoicism. It is something I was basically living by already. It is also a lot harder to do than it is to talk about though. Almost by definition, emotions are instinctual. They don’t want to be controlled.

There are many times when we fail at things. Everyone makes mistakes, but it is how you respond to them that matters most. It may be that you are trying to get in better shape but quit going to the gym after a few weeks. It might be setting a budget it for yourself and then after a few weeks, you find you are not following it at all. Maybe there are issues in your relationship you said you would work on and you feel yourself slipping back into old bad habits. When we feel these things happening we have to realize it and react. It is that you keep trying to make it better. Getting back at it again and not letting it all go to waste.

Every sports movie or show seems to be about someone getting hit or taken down in some way. They get to the bottom and they think it is all over. Then slowly but surely they get up and get back at it, they work harder than before, they come back better than ever. It seems pretty cliche but it sells because it is something that resonates with us.

I have been binge watching Friday Night Lights the last few weeks and something stuck out to me in a recent episode I watched. Coach Taylor was talking to one of his players and he told them; “That’s what character is, it’s in the trying.” It is one thing to say you want to do better, but actually trying is a lot different. It doesn’t matter how many of these newsletters I write about trying to be better or about changing if I am not actually trying. There are days it is a lot harder to keep trying, but in getting back up and trying again, that is where it shows your character.

Thanks for reading,
Mike