Editor's note: This was originally sent out in the newsletter on 10/17/17
Earlier this month was World Mental Health Day. It is a day that is supposed to build awareness of mental health issues and help fight the stigma that often goes with it. I want to start out by saying that mental health issues are very serious things that people should get help for if they need it. It isn’t something that should be embarrassing or hidden. You aren’t alone and you can always find someone to talk to (which would include talking to me if you need it, I am always willing to listen and help find the right steps to go to from there).
With that said this has had me thinking about these things. Sometimes I do wonder if it is possible I have some form of OCD. I often get ideas in my head that I can’t let go of and I defiantly like things a certain way. This is something that anyone that knows me could probably make at least a jokingly make an argument for. I think the truth is that while I have my quirks, real forms of OCD are much worse than what I face. Many people go through things far scarier than this. Sometimes when I read or hear accounts of people facing these issues I realize how I have no idea what it is actually like to live with.
Even outside of mental health, people do and say things all the time that just boggles my mind. I had a boss at an old job ask if it was possible that the reason he was having trouble with his email was that it was so cold in his office. This is something I still laugh at when I think about, but he was asking this with full sincerity. Instances of things like this may be funny, but others are a lot more serious, people get in big arguments over things because one or many of them have a simple lack of understanding.
In Return of the Jedi Ben tells Luke he was telling the truth about Vader from a certain point of view, he then goes on to say; “Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” People often believe the things they do because from their point of view that is the truth. Sometimes this point of view comes from a lack of information, a partial view of the bigger picture. Sometimes it comes from a bias that skews the view to fit their needs the best. The thing I try to think about from time to time is to make sure I am stepping back and trying to look at it from every point of view I can think of. Every now and then someone will do or say something that just blows me away, I can’t believe someone would think like that. I have to take a second and remind myself that no one else has the exact same experiences, or knowledge, or passions, or believes as I do.
We also need to examine all points of view to make sure we aren’t intentionally (or subconsciously) using the point of view that best fits our needs. This can happen for many reasons; sometimes we do it out of fear. You may tell yourself that there is something you can’t possibly do without help, but you are letting fear change your point of view, if you look at it from a different angle you will see you can do it on your own. Sometimes we do it out of convenience, we tell ourselves something it out of reach because it is easier to leave the status quo than to reach for it. Sometimes we do it out of tradition, it is the point of view your family held and now you will hold it too. If we don’t examine our own perspectives how can we possibly defend them or explain them.
With communication changing so much in the last ten years I think another major point of losing perspective is through text. This might be just a simple text message, an email, or even a newsletter. Without the tone of voice or nonverbal cues, it is easy to assume the worst in someone’s message. This is another great opportunity to make sure we are looking at the other person's point of view. We don’t need to jump to the defensive side right away, we can stop and put ourselves on the other side of it. Often we construct these detailed nuances and motives that just aren’t there. Most times the simplest and clearest answer is just what they said, nothing more.
In times of high emotion it is hard to remember to put yourself in someone else’s position, but this is often the time it is needed the most. Whether you are in an argument with a person or you are trying to defend your own believes, it is important to try and see the other side. It is always the best way to defend yourself. If you don’t understand why they are arguing with you, you will only ever be able to defend, not help them see or change their mind. Marcus Aurelius thought people were not being mean out of a want to be evil, but out of ignorance of good and evil. Though it is a slightly different form, it still applies here, people are usually not arguing to be mean, but because they don’t fully understand, or have a different point of view.
Understanding other points of view helps expand our knowledge of the world around us. It helps us see why people act the way they do. It helps us understand why people make the arguments they make. Examining our own perspectives helps flush out our own biases and fallacies. It helps us to understand our own motives and reasoning. This is something I am trying to be more aware of and I think everyone could probably use a little more of.
Thanks for reading,
Mike