Editor's note: This was originally sent out in the newsletter on 4/26/19
Welcome Back
Time has sort of escaped me, but here we are again to give this a shot. A few housekeeping items before I kind of explain what has caused the lapse in newsletters though; first, this email is coming from Buttondown instead of MailChimp, this will hopefully make it putting it out a little more streamlined. I also set up a real website to go along with the newsletter, so all of the old issues should be in there as blog posts. I am not sure if in the future I will add other material or if I will just stick to reposting the newsletters there, we will see, but if you prefer to see in that form, you can always check it there instead.
Tearing it down and building it back up
I have this tendency with things I do; I build them up, get them going, then I decide I need to tear it apart and do it differently. This is a cycle I fall into a lot, but this time it has sort of hit overdrive. I think I started doing this around New Years and then I started reflecting on everything, thinking about the things I wanted to accomplish over the year and ended up going much much deeper. I began to feel the need to take everything in my life down to its core. Some of it is the feeling of a fresh start, some of it is probably insecurity, some of it is just the fact that I am intentionally trying to push myself to be more mindful and intentional with my time and actions.
As I start to tear things down though, sometimes I run into issues, sort of like a missing part of a flow chart. For example; we recently moved, and I am trying to get the house just the way I want it, and I realized I want to redo one area. Then I get stuck because I have to move things into this closet, but before I can do that I need to reorganize that closet. To reorganize the closet, I want to move some of that stuff into garage storage. Before I do that I need to rearrange the garage and make room for it, but I haven’t been able to get to that because the weather hasn’t been nice enough for me to work on the garage.
Another issue I run into is probably just built into my own form of product-anation; procrastinating the real work with trying to find ways to be more productive. I spend so much time reading about other peoples workflows or playing with new apps that are going to be quicker at task X that it eats into my actual work time. I have been trying to minimize/standardize the way I keep digital notes (really all digital files but mostly just written things apply here), so I spent some time going through all the apps I have used and am currently using and produced a workflow for myself to follow. I started with bullets on a whiteboard, wrote out the broad strokes, and then I wrote myself a more formal note on my plans to keep all my digital writing. It ended up being about a 1,600-word document, just on how to keep notes. Then about a week later I started rethinking one of the apps I had sort of put on the back burner and thought maybe it could have a more prominent role and I was right back to where I was at the beginning.
Another big issue for me is perfectionism, which I probably use as another form of procrastination. I use it to put off doing things I am going to put out into the public view. I fret over tiny details that don’t matter much. I am again switching newsletter services, which I spent way more time than needed looking at. As well as setting up a semi-real website to go along with it. These things aren't required for me to do the newsletter, but I tell myself that everything should be just right before I get back into it again. I can tinker forever before I am happy with everything, and by then I will probably find something new to change. I believe I have shared it before but like they say; perfect is the enemy of good.
A realization I came to recently is that the reason I use these procrastination techniques is to avoid having to put something out there. To let other people see what I have written is sometimes its own hindrance that I don’t realize I am using. And then the further you are from the last thing you put out, the more pressure you feel to have something great come after all that waiting. But in the end part of the reason I initially started this newsletter was to push myself to be more open, share more than I do. So this is one hump I need to get over. Plus how many people will even care that much, it's probably just this idea that lives in my head and builds on insecurities.
While I don't know that I will ever truly conquer my instincts of wanting to tear things down and rebuild them, I do need to overcome a lot of my own hurdles, quirks, and self-defeating tendencies. The first step to doing this is just getting something out in the world again (which you are currently reading (providing of course that I actually sent this out and I'm not the only one that has read it)). Next, armed with the understanding of how my mind works, I need to make things simpler for myself. Part of that is the reason I choose Buttondown for a newsletter service, it is very streamlined and doesn't have many options and design features for me to get lost in. I have also started making a set of rules for myself (internally), sort of a set of principals for the newsletter to live by. In that same regard, while rebuilding the newsletter, I came up with a kind of mission statement to help guide what I want it to be as well. This is where I am at with it right now;
"The Polymath Group is a funnel for the random thoughts that swirl around in my head. It is an experiment in growth, openness, and creativity. Hopefully, it also acts as a spark for conversation, reflection, and a little more thoughtfulness in (my small corner of) the world."
I don't think it is a bad place to start.
I am looking forward to trying to kick my bad habits and get back to putting this out regularly again. I have a few ideas to experiment with as well. Getting back to it is always the hardest part, and a good first step, again.